It's a laptop. How did this happen D:

Turned on my computer for my usual ritual of catching up on news feeds. Also per usual, I began posting comments on some forum, but found I couldn't properly hit the spacebar with the thumb of my right hand. Thinking it was just a silly sticky key, I hit it a couple times with extra force.

But.

Since when did my keyboard make crunching noises? With my trusty can of air I attempt to identify what important piece of a keyboard key I may have destroyed. A false alarm. No vitals are damaged. And then I had a heart attack.

Another internet search later and I was assured that it was not a cockroach. A cockroach probably would have made my spacebar permanently sticky, and I would never know why. As it turns out, it's just a sow bug. Which actually aren't bugs. They're more like land shrimp. Hence the cracking and lack of squishing.

Granted, I've seen a few of these running around the basement. Apparently they help gardeners by pooping good things in the dirt. But... it's December. And we've just started having some actual good ol' chilly weather. And I can't grow a chunk of grass to save the earth anyways.

Also, sow bugs don't ruin your homes or kill you.

...

So they don't even have the decency to be real pests.