Dear Mom,

You just reported to me your intentions to kill the neighbour's dog. Actually, I'm not even sure if it's their dog, or even a dog that you are set out to kill. Whatever it is, I understand your frustration with the creature's constant habit of defecating in our front garden.

But, mom, you can't put rat poison in that garden. You just can't. In fact, two reasons not to do so:

1) If you do kill the animal that is likely a dog owned by some jerk in the neighbourhood, you're going to get sued and charged for animal cruelty and the like. Don't break up the family. Please.

2) Your gladiolas want to live. The dahlias too! Are you just going to let them die over some sick vendetta!? You once shared a dream with me of being able to become a grand master of soil and vegetation. Once you raise your hand against nature and allow your precious garden babies to become collateral damage, you will lose track of your path.

Just. Just don't kill the dog/cat/thing. Please. No one would ever suspect you due to your sweet and maternal appearance. But the last thing I want to see is the kid next door on the news telling a reporter that he never would have thought you to be the grudge-holding type. You're the only one of us, asides from my little sister, that has the benefit of not coming across as a scary or angry being upon a first meeting. Don't abuse your gift :'(

Love/Kisses/Hugs/Affections
Your kid,


Claudia